Bravery & Small Steps
by Sardonic
Summary: Luke is about to be truthful about his feelings to Lorelai and Nicole. Christopher and Sherry break up and he wants Lorelai and Rory back in his life fulltime. Rory and Dean get close once again. Dean gets cold feet. Lindsay shows her true colors.
1. 1 Song Recognition

Bravery & First Steps  
  
Chapter One: Song Association  
  
TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
AUTHOR: medeagddssaol.com  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
SPOILER: This is a redone Season 4. Some things from that season will carry over, but not all of them.  
  
RATING: PG13. Rory/Dean and Luke/Lorelai get a little sexy, but not dirty.  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SUMMARY: Right after Rory & Lorelai's return from Europe, Luke decides he needs to talk to Lorelai about taking their relationship further. Christopher and Sherry have broken up and he also shows up in Stars Hollow, wanting to attempt another reconciliation with Lorelai. Rory, crushed after Jess abandons Stars Hollow becomes close to Dean once again. Dean realizes his wedding is a mistake.  
  
SONG CREDIT: The amazing Stevie Nicks  
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing; all characters belong to Amy Sherman-  
Palladino and the WB.

All of the lights were turned off, the counters cleaned. Another day's business conducted and finished.  
  
Every time the diner closed and he made his way upstairs, the silence overtook him. Now with Jess gone, Luke was faced with another night of looking through the remnants left to him by those who'd stayed briefly in his apartment. It was either that or hit the bottle yet again.   
  
Since he and several bottles of booze had made friends, he'd missed many an opening time. Taylor had practically signed a town ordinance stating that if he was late once more he'd be subject to a fine for the human traffic that took up residence while they waited. Luke was also sure he'd spotted Kirk on more than one occasion at dawn, from behind a pair of binoculars, spying on him to be sure he'd open the diner on time. Stars Hollow was nothing if not a den of spies.  
  
He locked the door and threw the keys on the kitchen table. The keys found company with his hat, which was the next item he randomly tossed over towards the table.   
  
Sitting down on the couch, he glanced over at the book he'd left there last night. It was a dogeared copy of an old William Burroughs novel, left there by Jess. He tried to make through a few pages the other night, but Naked Lunch was about as rambling as Taylor at a town meeting. Fifteen pages in and his dalliance with the Beatnik was over. Luke tossed the book back onto the couch, got up and walked towards his refrigerator.  
  
Beer in hand, he pondered giving Nicole a call to see what she was up to. Early springtime was a busy time for her, she'd told him at their date last Saturday, since she was involved with a few fundraisers and charity organizations. They'd actually attended one in New York City on Sunday - at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens in New York - and he'd given new definition to the word sleepwalking that afternoon. Talk about a crowd that he had nothing in common with! The bon vivants of New York thought that a few letters or Roman numbers next to their names made them posh intellectuals. When he attempted to have a conversation with a City Councilman about Pigs in the Trough, the man thought he was talking about a rap album.  
  
The refrigerator slammed shut and a CD box came flying down, missing his head by a few inches. Ah, another left behind, this one Rachel's. She'd been a huge Stevie Nicks and her Enchanted collection had been one of her favorites. Luke had tried to get in contact with her to see about mailing it to her, but Rachel wanted not to be found it was best to leave her alone.  
  
He looked over the song list and decided to put on on for the hell of it. This song he'd actually enjoyed. It was a great acoustic version. Luke stuck the CD in the player, set the song selection and brooded.  
  
Rhiannon rings like a bell thru the night  
  
And wouldn't you love to love her  
  
She rules her life like a bird in flight  
  
And who will be her lover...  
  
Why was it that even though the song should be associated with Rachel, it was Lorelai that instantly came to mind? She shouldn't be in his mind; he knew she had some guy in her life. He also had Nicole, a steady girlfriend. Nicole should be the one on his mind, but she wasn't. In times when all was quiet, it was always Lorelai.  
  
All your life you've never seen  
  
A woman--taken by the wind  
  
Would you stay if she promised you heaven  
  
Will you ever win...  
  
She is like a cat in the dark  
  
And then she is the darkness  
  
She rules her life like a fine skylark--  
  
And when the sky is starless--  
  
He thought back to the night the Independence Inn caught fire and she'd slept over. They'd talked and she told him about the dream she'd had about the two of them. That dream and the entire conversation had haunted him for weeks now. Even though he'd never admit it to another soul, Luke knew for certain that Lorelai was one of the most undefined relationships he'd ever had in his life. She saw him as a friend and he saw her in the same way, but there were times....moments really.....when there had been glimmers of something more.  
  
All your life you've never seen--  
  
A woman--taken by the wind   
  
Would you stay if she promised you heaven  
  
Will you ever win...  
  
Dreams unwind.  
  
Love's a state of mind.  
  
It was a pointless game they played. Day after day, this dance went on - a dance where no one took the lead. He was afraid of making a move because the last time he'd decided to it had been too late. That was the night he'd first seen her with Max Medina and when she became engaged to him later the next year, it had crushed him. Rachel had known. He had told no one but it was the reason she left. She was also the reason he kept himself aloof from Nicole.  
  
Lorelai.  
  
He downed his beer with one more gulp. Drinking all night, feeding his mind with pontification - all of was worth nothing. There was an ache in his life that mere distractions couldn't heal. He needed her as more than a friend, but the question was what would she do if he did something about that? Would it ruin their friendship?  
  
It was exhausting to try and list all of the reasons and questions that came to mind whenever the subject of what to do about Lorelai came into his mind. Nicole was pressing him to take their relationship further and it was time for him to either pay or shut up. He knew what he wanted but how was he going to get it?


	2. 2 A Rush of Cold Water To The Face

Chapter 2: A Rush of Cold Water to the Face  
  
TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
  
AUTHOR: medeagddss@aol.com  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
  
SPOILER: None yet.  
  
RATING: PG13. Might go to R in later chapters  
  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SUMMARY: Right before Rory & Lorelai's return from Europe, Luke decides he needs to talk to Lorelei about taking their relationship further. Christopher and Sherry have broken up and he also shows up in Stars Hollow, wanting to attempt another reconciliation with Lorelai. Rory, crushed after Jess abandons Stars Hollow becomes close to Dean once again. Dean starts to realize his wedding is a mistake.  
  
Thanks for the great reviews everyone! I've corrected the mispelling of Lorelai's name.  
  
She hung up the phone in a daze. Geez, was he ever going to get it?  
  
Lorelai had expected this Friday to be another typical Rory-less evening. She'd order up some Chinese, watch a black-and-white flick on AMC, and get some killer quotes to throw at her daughter when she returned from dinner. She'd even held off on reading the latest InStyle magazine, something she was sure Michel would hold over her head all month. One of the things they most liked to do at the Inn was compare the guests to the monthly fashion photos. It was fun at the Independence, but at their new Dragonfly it was harder to do with all the construction that went on. Shouting out 'Versace' until the other party heard you could make you hoarse for days.  
  
There she was. Ramble, ramble. Why did this always seem to happen whenever Christopher opened the door into her life?  
  
Halfway through "The Little Foxes", the phone had rung. Following her natural response, she'd yelled "Rory", but it had taken her a moment to remember that Rory was at the Gilmore dinner. The dinner she now felt she was not invited to be a part of. Hoping for some distraction, she'd picked up the phone.  
  
"Bette Davis central. If you need someone knocked off, please call back on Barbara Stanwyck night."  
  
"I guess it's a good thing I didn't call on Veronica Lake night," Christopher laughed on the other end.  
  
"Christopher!" she said, straightening up on the couch,"Hey, how are you?"  
  
"Not bad. Just wanted to see how you and Rory were doing."  
  
"Oh, just about the same. Emily and Richard love her. It's me they could do with out."  
  
"Extra side of drama tonight."  
  
"With a dose of self-pity to boot."  
  
There was laughter on both ends. Lorelai got the impression that he had something he was reluctant to talk about.  
  
"Chris?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"How long do you want to play Lewis and Martin? This is me, remember. I can hear it in your voice. What's going on?"  
  
"Sherry and I just had, you know, the 'talk'."  
  
"Why Christopher Hayden! Didn't your father have that conversation with you some years back? Or was I mistaken? Is Rory an immaculate conception? Clergy must be consulted!"  
  
"Ah, humor in the face of tragedy. Lore, it's serious. She's gone - they're gone."  
  
"Come again. She up and left you?"  
  
"It's complicated."  
  
"Doesn't sound it. Or maybe it does. It doesn't sound like a Sherry-like thing to do? Did she call the movers while she was at it."  
  
"Lore, could you please let me tell you what happened. I swear, this isn't a joke."  
  
For the first time in many years, she could hear actual fear in his voice. Whatever had happened between him and Sherry, it was serious for her to take the baby and leave all of a sudden.  
  
"I'm sorry, Chris. Go ahead and tell me. I promise not to interrupt. At least, not for a few minutes."  
  
She heard him take a deep breath before he started up his story. "Well, ever since we brought the baby home, Sherry's been dropping hints about taking the final step in our relationship. Her family - and her friends too, I'm sure - think that since we're living together and have a baby-"  
  
"-you should get married."  
  
"Exactly. When she put the baby to sleep tonight, she came right out and asked me why I wouldn't marry. And also why I refused to see that she wanted to marry me. Lore, I knew in that moment what she confessed to me about two minutes later."  
  
"And that was?"  
  
"She got pregnant on purpose. Her words exactly were that it was to 'get you to see the importance of establishing a family.' And she mentioned timing...the fact neither one of us was getting any younger. Needless to say, she was pissed."  
  
"Wow, heavy guilt trip there. What did you say?"  
  
"Just about everything she didn't want to hear. I told her that I loved the baby and the life we were creating, but that I couldn't take that step. It wasn't something that would work for us."  
  
"And you're surprised she left? Christopher, that was an incredibly cruel thing to say."  
  
"Lorelai, I'm tired of lying. I went back to Sherry and Boston because I was obligated to do so. When she called to tell me she was pregnant-"  
  
"Don't," she started. She could still see the way he'd looked that afternoon at Sookie's wedding. The heartbreak at seeing him walk away from her....and back to Sherry, still made her eyes tear up.  
  
"Shit, Lorelai, I'm not going to keep this bottled up anymore!" he yelled on the other end,"I came back for my kid, not for Sherry. I knew I didn't love her when I first brought her to Stars Hollow to meet you and Rory! When you told me you were ready to get over me at Luke's-"  
  
"Chris, please don't," she pleaded, "Don't open that door again."  
  
"But Lorelai, don't you get it? It was a door I should never have closed. Being with you, knowing that the time was right and seeing the look on our daughter's face......that was right. Trying to force my way into a life I knew was wrong wasn't."  
  
"It was what you thought was right-"  
  
"Yeah, and we both now how great my judgement is when it comes to settling down," he laughed,"Whenever I try to do it, bang. It goes wrong."  
  
"That's not true-"  
  
"All I wanted that afternoon at Sookie's wedding was for you to tell me not to go," he confessed,"and for you to tell me you needed me. I was afraid to say anything. You know how great it's gone for us the last two times I've proposed."  
  
"But your situation with Sherry has nothing to do with our history, Chris!" she screamed into the receiver. "You went back to her, regardless of what I did or did not do. It was your choice to make, and it has always been YOUR choice. When I didn't want to marry you after Rory was born, you chose to be absent from our lives. When I wouldn't marry after you first visited us in Stars Hollow, you started to do the same thing! This.....fear, isn't about me!"  
  
"It is this time."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I love you, goddammit! It's always been about you, don't you get it? Having you in my life is the only thing that's ever been consistent. It's the only thing that's made sense. No matter how much I've tried to drop out, you and Rory have always been the most important things in my life. Loving you is the only thing I've done right."  
  
"Chris-"  
  
"Lorelai, I love you. I'll find a way of working out a way to visit my daughter, but it's not going to involve marrying Sherry. She and I both know it's over romantically. We've known that since before the baby was born."  
  
"How can you expect me to welcome this bit of news, Chris?" she cried,"This is just your fear talking. You and Sherry are probably having trouble adjusting to the newness of the baby in your lives-"  
  
"It's not that simple, Lore, no matter how you try to rationalize it. The bottom line is I was right to want to be a part of Georgia's life, but I was wrong to shove you and Rory into second place. If I were to marry Sherry, it would be not just wrong - it would be cruel. I've ducked out on the first responsibity of my life and I'm not going to do it any longer."  
  
She literally was devoid of smart comments or snappy judgements. Lorelai was stunned and could only manage a weak, "So what is it you plan to do?"  
  
"Work out some custody agreement with Sherry, which won't be easy I know. But as I do that I'm going to be faithful to the one truth in my life. I've wasted enough time and I'm not wasting any more. Rory's starting college soon. I still have a shot at being more than her 'buddy' dad. I want the works - to be the kind of father neither one of us had."  
  
"I really don't know what to say about all of this."  
  
"Then don't say anything yet. All I want you to know is that I know I've been an asshole to you and Rory. She's been the kid but I've acted as one and that part's over as far as I'm concerned. I want back into your lives. I'm not giving up."  
  
"God, Chris. I just can't say anything about all of this now."  
  
"It's Ok, Lorelai. I'm not expecting you to say anything. Please just think about it OK? I want you....to be with you and make a life together. Just give it some thought, Ok?"  
  
"Ok," she whispered,"I need to go. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight," he replied. She hung up the phone after hearing the dial tone. That's when her state of daze began.  
  
It wasn't long afterwards that Rory walked in the door. After hanging her coat up on it's hook, she walked over and joined Lorelai on the couch.  
  
"Another dinner completed in style," she said. "Grandpa asked about you and grandma immediately changed the subject.  
  
Lorelai just shook her head.  
  
"Mom, is everything OK? Did something happen while I was gone?"  
  
"Oh, let's just say the boat has not only been rocked - it has been capsized."  
  
"Maritime humor? Must be serious."  
  
"It is. Rory, it's your dad. He and Sherry broke up."  
  
"What? When did all this happen?"  
  
"Just tonight" she answered, running nervous hands through her hair. "He called to tell me the news. She proposed - he declined?"  
  
"Because of you?"  
  
"And you. Because he wants to be with us. Rory, honey, he wants to be in our lives. Permanently, it seems."  
  
Rory felt numb. It was similar to having a hundred vials of Novocaine suddenly injected into her body at the same time. Her father had broken up his new family because he wanted to form the one he should have years ago. Childhood dreams did have a way of coming back to bite a person in the ass.  
  
"I need to go to my room," she said,"Can we talk about this tomorrow? I just need.....want. I just have to be alone right now."  
  
"It's ok, sweetheart," Lorelei said, putting her arm around Rory's shoulder and giving her a half hug. "We can talk more about this tomorrow."  
  
Rory kissed her mother on the cheek, got up and went straight to her room. Closing the door behind her, she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. She felt so unimaginably guilty. Who could she call at this moment, when an earthquake had schismed her expectations. There was only one person that came to mind.  
  
Using her cellphone, she pressed the speed dial number. Three rings was all it took.  
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Dean, it's Rory. I know it's late, but can you please meet me. I'm sorry to bother you...but it's........it's my father. Can you meet me at Miss Patty's in an hour."  
  
"Sure, no problem. You OK? What's going on?"  
  
"I'll tell you then. Please, Dean, I really need to talk to someone."  
  
"I'll see you in an hour."  
  
"See you."  
  
Rory felt that if she didn't talk to someone, she'd scream. Should she be happy? Guilty? Mad as hell? 


	3. 3 Seven Nation Army

TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
  
AUTHOR: medeagddss@aol.com  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
  
SPOILERS: None yet.  
  
RATING: Definitly R here. Will go back to PG/PG13 in other chapters.  
  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SUMMARY: Right before Rory & Lorelai's return from Europe, Luke decides he needs to talk to Lorelei about taking their relationship further. Christopher and Sherry have broken up and he also shows up in Stars Hollow, wanting to attempt another reconciliation with Lorelai. Rory, crushed after Jess abandons Stars Hollow becomes close to Dean once again. Dean starts to realize his wedding is a mistake.  
  
Thanks for the great reviews everyone! I've corrected the mispelling of Lorelai's name.  
  
Chapter 3: Seven Nation Army  
  
It was nearly one o'clock in the morning, he was on his way to Miss Patty's studio and he was mad as hell. This evening had been going bad and Dean just knew it was about to get worse. First, a major fight with Lindsay and now a frantic phone call from Rory out of the blue?  
  
Some guys had all the luck.  
  
He'd gotten dressed in the dark and was sure he looked it. Not that he cared at this point - it wasn't like he was on his way to a date or anything of the sort. Seeing as his last conversation with Rory had gone as well as the "Survivor" finale, Dean figured clothes were the least of his concern. His first response when Rory asked to meet him was to tell her exactly where to stick it. Something in her voice, however, had changed his mind. Quietly, he crept down the hall, taking extra precaution when he walked outside Clara's room. She was a very light sleeper.  
  
God the staircase creaked at night! He hadn't had the opportunity to sneak out at night since his family had arrived in Stars Hollow and from the sound of things it didn't look as if he would have had much luck. His parents tended to look the other way when it came to him lately anyway. They weren't exactly thrilled with the direction his life had taken. Lindsay, who they seemed to like when they'd first gotten engaged had somehow run out of charm. Dean couldn't understand what had happened but there was some sort of quiet war going on between Lindsay and his parents. They'd suggested he postpone the wedding and when he'd brought up the argument to Lindsay at dinner that evening, she nearly exploded. It wasn't going to make the upcoming rehearsal dinner any easier on either of them. Lindsay was decidedly short-tempered lately.  
  
For the life of him, Dean couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. Was he cursed to have inexplicable conflicts in every relationship in his life. It wasn't fair.  
  
It was a brisk walk over to Miss Patty's. Summer had been hard in coming this year and it was still much cooler than it should be in Stars Hollow. The breeze shook the budding leaves ominously. Next thing you know, the buzzards would come out and bellow around his head. The perfect end to a hellish Friday. He walked up the door and saw the thin line of light underneath the frame and knocked. Rory opened the door.  
  
"Okay, I don't even want to know how you got in. Someone's really got to tell Miss Patty to get better locks on her doors."  
  
"Dean," she sighed,"I'm sorry that I asked you to come out like this. It's just that.........damnit, I don't even know where to begin."  
  
She was swearing? Add to that the fact her red rimmed eyes gave away the fact she'd been crying for some time.  
  
"Rory, what the hell IS going on? We don't speak for months and when you do decide to call me, it's like this....to meet you semisecretly in the middle of the night? What gives?"  
  
She started to cry again and he felt a pang of guilt. "Dean, I'm so sorry. I didn't think you'd want to talk to me after .......after you told me about your engagement."  
  
"Let's not even go there right now," he said, cutting her off,"You made your opinion clear and it was hurtful enough the first time. I don't need to hear it again and this conversation isn't about me. Tell me what happened."  
  
"It's my father, Dean. He's.....shit, I don't know all the details, but Mom told me he and Sherry broke up tonight."  
  
He remembered last summer at Sookie's wedding, when all of Stars Hollow was buzzing with gossip about Lorelai and Christopher's reconciliation. They'd been very romantic that afternoon, holding hands and kissing. Rory had never been happier. Of course, that all changed after the wedding itself. It had taken weeks for him to get the full story of what had changed. Add to that the Jess situation and it made for pain all around.  
  
"What went wrong? He's alright isn't he?"  
  
"I wish I knew," she said, sniffling gently,"but to me it's the same sorry shit he's been pulling for years. He tries out a family, decides it's not working for him and takes the previous one for another test run. God, I just know what's coming next. He'll be back in Stars Hollow full of half-assed promises for my mom and me. Everything will be fine for a day or so and then he'll go against anything and everything he's promised. Geez, I can't go through this again! She can't go through this again!"  
  
Rory was yelling and pacing, her arms gesturing madly. In a fit of anger, she took off the denim jacket she was wearing and threw it to the ground.  
  
"Dean, I realize you're the last person who should be here for me now. I basically threw away our relationship and insulted you when you told me about your engagement. I'm sorry for everything. It's just that-"  
  
"Rory, come on. The past is the past-"  
  
"I'm scared as hell that I'm turning into him! Don't you see? All of my actions are mirroring how he's behaved."  
  
"With the simple exception that neither one of us is pregnant," he added quickly. That got a smile out of her at least.  
  
She stopped her pacing and looked down at the floor for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she laughed lightly. It was ironic that her father's news had inspired what had been on her mind all summer long.  
  
Dean watched her as she sat down on the yoga mats. Whatever was going on had more going on that Christopher's news. He walked over to where she was and sat beside her on the floor.  
  
"Rory, it's been a long night for you. The news about your father....and you're getting used to Stars Hollow again after two months away. And then there's Yale. All of it mixed together makes for major freak out time. It's a hard time for you and I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to go through this."  
  
A tear rolled down her cheek and he felt the indescribable need to brush it away with his hand. Her face was flushed and he could feel the softness of her cheek. Here they were again, he thought to himself. Back in Miss Patty's studio only with no book to lull them to sleep. He hadn't felt this awake in months.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered,"for coming to see me. I wanted to call you all summer long but I felt awful about our last conversation. It was wrong of me to say what I did."  
  
His hand brushed her cheek and found itself holding her own. Dean smiled at her and shook his head. "Rory, it's done. You were angry. I was angry. But at least I got to pummel Jess."  
  
She sighed,"I hadn't thought about him for weeks. You, however....well, I regret."  
  
"Regret what?" he said, their faces getting closer.  
  
"Not valuing what we had," she said, her face mere inches from Dean's. "I really did love you, you know."  
  
"And I really did love you, Rory."  
  
No words were spoken for what seemed like ages as their faces met. Softly, he kissed her, brushing her lower lip with his own. Unexpectedly, the kiss grew stronger and he cupped her face with his hands. Drinking in the taste of her, Dean felt surrounded by memories of the past. Of what this studio had meant in their relationship. Of everything Rory had been in his life.  
  
But there was someone in his life now. Someone who didn't deserve this betrayal. Dean broke off the kiss and looked away.  
  
"Rory, this is wrong. We shouldn't be here......kissing. It's wrong to Lindsay," grudingly he added,"and to Jess."  
  
"He's not in my life anymore," she said, placing her own hand on his cheek and turning his face so that their eyes met again, "and he never should have been. Some doors should remain closed. I learned that with him the hard way."  
  
"But I have Lindsay in my life," he said,"and she doesn't deserve this stab in the back."  
  
"Can you honestly say you regret kissing me just now?"  
  
He couldn't answer her. It was like revisiting the past, being here with her, surrounded by the sound of her voice and the scent of her skin. Lindsay was in his life. She was a part of him, but this feeling. How could he explain it to Rory when he couldn't even explain it to himself?"  
  
"Rory, I should really leave-"  
  
"Please don't," she pleaded, her eyes filled with tears,"You don't have to do or say anything. Just please stay with me now."  
  
He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "Rory, if I stay here now - No, I can't do this dammit"  
  
She cupped his face with her hands and kissed him intensely. He felt her tongue searching for his as they began to hug. Their bodies swayed as his heart raced.  
  
"Rory, oh God-"  
  
"Dean, please don't leave me," she whispered as Dean kissed her cheeks,"I know I don't deserve you and that I wasted so much of our relationship. If this is all the time we have, I'll take it."  
  
They fall back onto the mats. He couldn't remember ever being with Rory like this. She hungered for him, and he for her as well. He ran his hands over her hair, her shoulders.  
  
To his incredible surprise, she took his hands and placed them on her breasts. He stopped kissing her and stared down at her in utter fascination. When he began to talk, she silenced him by placing a finger on his lips.  
  
"Dean, no. Let's not ruin this with words. I don't want words tonight. All I want is you and me.....together."  
  
She brought his face down to her own and whispered into his ear,"Undress me."  
  
"Rory, are you sure about this? I don't want to hurt you."  
  
"You'll hurt me more if you don't," she replied. "Please, Dean, give me something that's real."  
  
They sat up at the same time. He removed his jacket at the same time that she began to remove his t-shirt. Her face turned a million shades of red as she asked,"Do you have....anything?"  
  
As he nodded, Dean uttered a silent prayer of thanks to his father for insisting that he keep a condom in his wallet at all times. Rory smiled as she shyly began to unbutton her shirt. He noticed her hands were trembling and he stopped her.  
  
"Let me," he said. Her blue eyes met his and he could almost listen to her heart. She was flushed, but determined.  
  
"I want you to know," she she uttered quietly,"it's always been you. I was just too stupid to realize it until I put an ocean between us. My wanting you....it never stopped."  
  
Those words rang in his thoughts as he placed his jacket atop the mats underneath Rory. He continued to undress her as she began to undo the top button of his jeans. He could barely hold himself from ravaging her in a frenzy when he felt her hands on his hips.  
  
He lowered himself gently atop her as he removed her skirt, kissing her neck as he did so. "God, Rory, it's been the same for me. You....everywhere. Always."  
  
She smiled as they made love. He would always remember the sound of the yoga mats underneath the weight of their bodies. He could never forget the creaking of the wood floor or the sensation of utter ecstacy of Rory's face in the dim lights as they became one......... 


	4. 4 Somewhere There's a Feather

TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
  
AUTHOR: medeagddss@aol.com  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
  
SPOILERS: None yet.  
  
RATING: PG/PG13 here, but will go to R in a few chapters.  
  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SONG CREDIT: Nico, "Somewhere There's a Feather"  
  
Thanks for much for all the great reviews! I've corrected some mistakes that came up in spelling  
  
Chapter 4: Somewhere There's a Feather  
  
One o'clock in the morning. Jesus, no wonder he was getting complaints about being short-tempered lately. Luke couldn't seem to get any sleep lately. The damn anxiety over what to do about Nicole was keeping him awake again.  
  
Oh who was he kidding? He knew what he *had* to do but what he *wanted* to do was a completely different matter. Nicole was a good woman. A complete lady who had accepted him and his rather introverted ways with hardly any complaints. She was entitled to more than what he'd given her. Lawyer, good friend, excellent conversationalist.....  
  
No, goddammit, he was not going to start a pros and cons list. He may be afflicted with *Lorelai on the brain* disease, but that didn't mean he needed a complete physical analysis of his own self-deprecation. It was enough for now. Lorelai had been back for nearly a week now and they'd barely crossed a dozen words. Sometimes it was easier to keep it all inside festering than it was to let it out and regret it later. Liz was more of a share-all person. Look how well that had gone for her.  
  
Just as Luke rose from the couch to make his way to bed, the phone rang:  
  
"Luke?"  
  
"The one and only."  
  
"It's Lorelai."  
  
"I didn't think it was CrankYankers," he replied,"what's going on?"  
  
"I'm in the middle of a breakdown. Anne Sexton heads to McLean. That'll be me, in oh, about thirty seconds!"  
  
"Hold on, hold on. What happened?"  
  
"The apocalypse didn't take place on 'Angel'; it took place here. At my house. On my phone. And the demon that started it looked nothing like a maggotface. He was the same demon in the same face. Good ol' Christopher - blight of my life!"  
  
"Okay," he began grudingly,"I'll take it Rory's dad called up, gave you some typically bad news and it's causing this breakdown?"  
  
"Except you're missing a step."  
  
"I take what you give me and draft it. what's the Fifth Element?"  
  
"Rory. Rory's missing. After I told her.......well, some of what the apocalyptic phone call from her father was about she went silent."  
  
"So she's mute now?"  
  
"Luke, she's gone! I went into her room a few minutes ago to talk and she wasn't there. I don't know where she went. My kid just doesn't take off in the middle of the night. I'm just...."  
  
"Having a panic attack," he answered,"Look, Rory, maybe she just needed some time to take in whatever it was you told her. Could she be with Lane?"  
  
"I could try to call there, but Mrs. Kim would probably try to excommunicate me. And if they are together, it would piss her to know Rory's there when she's not supposed to be. I really don't want to play overprotective mom right now, but what if she-"  
  
"Took off like Jess? No, Lorelai, she's not that kind of girl and you know it. She probably just took off to talk it out."  
  
"Yes, but even thinking that's what she's done doesn't help."  
  
"Neither will driving yourself crazy about it," Luke replied,"Listen, do you want to try and find her."  
  
"No, that's OK. I already went through her stuff to make sure she didn't take anything vital with her. I think you're right-"  
  
"Can I get that in writing?"  
  
"Smartass. She'll be back but this waiting is killing me?"  
  
He took a deep breath before asking,"Need any company?"  
  
"No, I don't want to bother you."  
  
"You're kidding, right?"  
  
"Hey, Luke. Stay in the *friend* mode, OK? It suits you better."  
  
"I'll bring coffee."  
  
"And pie?"  
  
Sighing as he shook his head,"Alright. But only one pie."  
  
"Spoil sport!"  
  
___________________________  
  
Back at Miss Patty's.....  
  
Rory and Dean lay in a tumbled mess. Strewn over discarded clothing, yoga mats and jackets they panted as they looked up at the ceiling, Rory in her bra and panties and Dean in boxers.  
  
"Oh my God," she said, in between ragged breaths.  
  
"I agree completely," Dean replied,"That was-"  
  
"Amazing-"  
  
"Spectacular-"  
  
Rory turned to face Dean and smiled. "Right. It may be simple, considering some of the vocabulary words I throw around daily, but I can't come up with anything better than that one word - right."  
  
Dean turned to face her as well. "I know. For me too."  
  
There was a moment of silence as she moved towards him and lay on the crock of his arm. Hugging her towards him, Dean gently kissed the top of her head. "It was also a bit terrifing, to tell you the truth?"  
  
"Wow, was I that insaciable?"  
  
"Come on, Rory," he laughed,"I think you know what I meant."  
  
"Maybe. But it still would sound better coming from you."  
  
He merely shook his head as he smiled. "After everything we've been through this past year, this is the last situation I thought we'd be in but now that we're here, it doesn't seem strange at all. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's what it feels like to me."  
  
"Yeah," she said, growing quiet once again.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I think we need to face the inevitable question.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"What happens now, Dean?"  
  
"Things change, Rory," he said,"Look, I feel a lot of things right now, confusion being the biggest one, but one thing I don't feel is sorry. Being with you again feels right. It feels like it should have with-"  
  
"Lindsay", she said. They both looked away for a moment.  
  
"I never.......you know....with her."  
  
"Never?'  
  
"No," he replied honestly,"the timing was never right."  
  
Once again, they were both silent. When so much had to be said, the first natural response of the confused has always been to say nothing.  
  
"Dean-"  
  
"Rory-"  
  
They spoke simultaneously, breaking up into laughter. Rory reached up and kissed him, laying on his chest and smiling to his face. Dean smiled back. He said,"You know-"  
  
"-many things."  
  
"I can't marry her. Not now."  
  
"Afraid Lorelai Gilmore will come after you with a shotgun?"  
  
"You make remarkable jokes in the face of drama."  
  
"I try," Rory laughed. Kissing him once again, she lay on his chest and closed her eyes for a moment. It was hard to thinking of what would come next without imagining a paralyzing series of arguments and confrontation.  
  
"Rory?"  
  
"Tell me what you're thinking."  
  
"That if I were at Chilton, I'd definitely not be a good 'Mary'. I think I now fall under the category of fallen woman."  
  
"Then I'll just have to catch you."  
  
"Good thing you're tall," she said. Rory opened her eyes and hugged him. "Dean, I'm scared."  
  
"Don't be. I know this isn't going to be easy for either one of us but we'll pull through. After what happened between us tonight, there's no way I could go ahead with my plans with Lindsay. The fact I'm here speaks volumes about how unsure I've been."  
  
"Unsure."  
  
"Big time. Both of my parents have been dropping subtle *call off the wedding* signals. They wouldn't say why."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Rory?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you even want to be with me? I'm doing all the talking here and I don't want to take anything for granted. Unless of course-"  
  
"Dean, no," she began,"no, this wasn't a one-time thing for me. I've wanted you back for, well for months. I thought of you a lot in Europe."  
  
"Just making it clear right now that I am not wearing a beret."  
  
"Good to know," she laughed,"but can you just promise me one thing."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Promise not to marry me. Promise just to be with me and try to find a way of being together again without forgetting what we really feel about each other again. I don't want to lose you again."  
  
"I think that's the most obscure proposal I've ever gotten."  
  
"Not hearing an answer!"  
  
"I promise."  
  
She smiled as she hugged Dean with all her strength."And so do I. Dean?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"It's getting late-"  
  
"-and you should get home. Come on, I'll take you." Dean began to sit up, but was stopped.  
  
"Yes, I should but not just yet. What's that old expression that fallen women use. Oh yes......how 'bout one for the road."  
  
"That won't be a problem." Dean lowered his face to hers as Rory brought him down to her again......  
  
Somewhere in Stars Hollow, music was being played by a random insomniac. To Rory, it was a blessing; an ode of good fortune to being with Dean.  
  
Fall and climb  
  
Take your time  
  
Somehow you must live up  
  
To the precedents you've set  
  
You need not hope for answers yet.  
  
Don't ask me how I know it now  
  
The future does not show itself to me.  
  
So love and learn  
  
Take your turn  
  
Somewhere there's a feather  
  
Falling slowly from the sky  
  
You need not know the reason why.  
  
_______________  
  
In Boston:  
  
Hurriedly, he threw some clothes into his duffel bag. The only hotel he'd been able to get a reservation at was the Marriott in Hartford. Summer's busy season was coming to a close and he had to pull some strings to get a room. The sooner he talked to Lorelai and Rory, the faster he could stop the situation from blowing up in his face.  
  
He'd gone back to Sherry for the baby's sake, but forcing a marriage on him wasn't going to make everthing that was wrong between Sherry and him go away. Christopher had tried explaining tht to her, and it had gone as well as could be expected. He loved his daughter, but the love he felt for her did not cancel out the lack of love he felt for Sherry. God knows he'd tried. It just couldn't happen. Not while he still loved someone else.  
  
Christopher turned off the lights, grabbed the keys to the Volvo, locked the front door and went towards the gauntlet. It was time to face the music. 


	5. 5 Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
  
AUTHOR: medeagddss@aol.com  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
  
SPOILERS: None yet.  
  
RATING: PG/PG13 here, but will go to R in a few chapters.  
  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SONG CREDIT: Doris Day, "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps  
  
Thanks for much for all the great reviews! I promise to keep the story going on all through the summer.  
  
"Music."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It's the music. That's why I'm not getting anywhere."  
  
"No, you're not getting anywhere because you keep going over 21," Luke replied with a laugh,"so it really doesn't matter what you blame it on."  
  
"I just can't concentrate," Lorelai interjected,"and you are taking advantage of a desperate, worried mother. Taking all my money - the nerve!"  
  
"Do I need to remind you that we've been playing for nickels? I've won all of 95 cents."  
  
"So not the point!" she replied, walking her way towards the CD player,"Let's see if some of Rory's tunes will bring me some luck." Lorelai pressed play.  
  
You won't admit you love me  
  
And so  
  
How am I ever  
  
To know  
  
You only tell me  
  
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps  
  
"Ah, Patrick", she sighed,"the cupboard of your love would come in handy right about now."  
  
"Come again?" Luke asked, shuffling the cards for their next game.  
  
"Ah, nothing. This is just the theme song for a show Rory and I watch. I never thought Doris Day would make a comeback, but there you go."  
  
"Miss DJ, think you want to get back into the game? That is, unless you plan on taking dedication."  
  
There was no answer from Lorelai. She stood by the CD player completely still with her back to him. Luke put the cards down on the coffee table and stood up, walking the few steps to where she was.  
  
"Lorelai, are you alright?"  
  
As he saw her face, she began to cry. Luke put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her, but she barely moved.  
  
"Luke, I'm scared."  
  
"She's going to be alright. Look, if she's not home in fifteen minutes, I swear we'll go out looking for her. We can even go wake Taylor up and have the Town Council conduct an official search."  
  
"No, that's not what I meant. I don't think I've set a very good example for her....with relationships. And Christopher's situation now isn't exactly helping either."  
  
"You can't change what's already happened," he interjected,"and I think you're being a little hard on yourself. The decisions you've made about the relationships haven't been easy, I'll give you that, but can you honestly say you'd change them?"  
  
"Luke, that's not the point," she sighed,"it's just that.....damn. We, Christopher and I, take one step forward and five steps back. The minute we seem to have things in perspective, we throw it to hell. And it sets a precedent for Rory."  
  
"She's fine, Lorelai. All she needs is some time."  
  
"Time for what, Luke? Time to show her how incredibly screwed up we are? Every time I get into a relationship, I run from it. Chris does the same thing. We don't show her a full effort. We're never around long enough to try. God, Luke, what am I doing to my kid?"  
  
She broke down into painful sobs right before him. Luke turned her around and embraced her, patting her back softly as she cried on his shoulder.  
  
"Lorelai, it's going to be alright. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. She'll get back soon and you'll talk the way you always do. No damage is irreversible."  
  
"I wish it were that easy-"  
  
"Then make it. You can chastise yourself all you want, Lorelai, but you're not going to convince me of your Joan Crawford mothering habits. Sure you screw up-"  
  
"Majorly-"  
  
"-but you always make it better. You don't avoid the hard decisions and you don't shelter Rory from them. Offering a kid choices is a hell of a lot better than taking the safe route."  
  
She lifted her head and smiled up at him, still in his embrace. As she thought of something to say, she wondered how it was that Luke always managed to make her feel so safe. Granted, she knew that she was due for a very long, drawn out talk with Rory but at the moment, being with Luke felt....right.  
  
She could stop herself but didn't want to....  
  
He could stop himself but didn't try to......  
  
Their faces were separated by only inches, when Lorelai suddenly bridged the divide. She placed her hand behind his head and kissed him tenderly. The kiss intensified and Lorelai cupped her hands behind his head, letting herself go with the moment.  
  
Luke didn't know what the hell to think. One minute, he was being the thoughtful friend and the next minute he was living out a dream. He placed his hands on her waist as they kissed. It was the culmination of many years' pent-up desire and longing.  
  
So if you really love me  
  
Say yes  
  
But if you don't, dear,  
  
Confess  
  
And please don't tell me  
  
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps  
  
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps  
  
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Longing only to stay with her, Dean found it hard to let Rory go. They stood on the porch kissing, his hands cupping her face. When their kiss broke, he barely felt the cold night air in the shadow of the warm smile she gave him. Could there be anything better than this moment? He found it hard to believe there could.  
  
"Tomorrow's going to be a hard day," she said with a nervous laugh.  
  
"And it starts today," he replied,"but I don't care."  
  
"You don't?" she wondered.  
  
"I get you, don't I? That's worth all the hell in the world."  
  
"Dean, that's so....so incredibly sweet," Rory said, touched by the simple honesty behind his words,"and I can't think of a single thing to say in response. So much for my excellent SAT scores, huh?"  
  
"You don't need to say anything, Rory," Dean answered as he stroked her face with his hand. "Some truths don't need overstatement."  
  
"Very well stated."  
  
"Let's say I feel inspired."  
  
"Dean?"  
  
"Rory?"  
  
"Can I just say once more that I'm scared?"  
  
"Consider it said," he said,"and remember that I'm in this with you. I love you."  
  
"I so don't deserve you."  
  
"Yes, you do," he whispered, kissing her very slowly on the lips. "I'm the lucky one."  
  
"If you go Dawson's on me, I swear the violence will be astounding."  
  
"Point taken," he laughed.  
  
"I'd better get in," Rory said,"It's pretty late. We both need our rest."  
  
"And I've got one hell of day coming up tomorrow," Dean replied,"so sleep might be hard to achieve."  
  
"So then-"  
  
"Yes, tomorrow," he replied quickly. "I'm not letting this linger. Lindsay deserves to know the truth. It's not going to be easy, but there's no other way."  
  
"Dean?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Did I mention how I love you?"  
  
"Mention it all you want," he laughed,"but we're going to spring some cavities unless you get inside."  
  
"Invoking the dental clause? That's a sure way to say goodnight," Rory said, laughing as she broke from their embrace to open her front door. "So I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
"Damn right. I'll call you after all hell breaks loose."  
  
"We're going to be the news in Stars Hollow tomorrow, you know that?"  
  
"Yep," he said smiling as she walked in the door.  
  
"Just promise me one thing, Dean."  
  
"And that would be?"  
  
"Don't call me sweetie. Or babe. Or take my popcorn when we're watching movies."  
  
"Done and done," he agreed,"now get inside before your mom comes out with the shotgun."  
  
Rory blew him a kiss before closing the door behind her. The lights were on in the living room, but Lorelai was nowhere to be found. As she took off her jacket, and walked over to the coffee table, she saw a deck of cards and 2 coffee cups. Strange.  
  
"Mom?" she called out. There was no response. She walked into the kitchen where she found a hastily written note:  
  
Rory,  
  
Hope you're home and not lying in a ditch somewhere. Well, if you were in a ditch then how could you be reading this, right? Anyhow, I just needed to go out for a drive to clear my thoughts. Will be home soon.  
  
Mom  
  
She shook her head incredulously. What the hell was going on? This was turning out to be the weirdest night ever. 


	6. 6 Fade Into You

TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
  
AUTHOR: medeagddss@aol.com  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
  
SPOILERS: None yet.  
  
RATING: PG/PG13 here, but will go to R in a few chapters.  
  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SONG CREDIT: Mazzy Star, "Fade into You"  
  
Thanks so much for the great feedback my readers have sent me. The story's going to continue to develop. Things are going to get complicated in upcoming chapters.  
  
"Ever think you're dreaming when you're really awake?"  
  
"No, Vanilla Sky's just a movie, Lorelai," Luke replied, laughing as he drove back into her driveway and parked right outside of the closed garage doors.  
  
"Wrong plotline, right idea," she replied as they both got out of the car,"I just.....God, this has been the weirdest night ever. But in a good way."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There they were, in her living room, making out like a couple of teenagers. Tumbling onto the couch, Lorelai felt Luke's hands roaming down her back as he kissed her passionately. Her own hands were doing a bit of exploring as well, as she felt the muscles of his back clenching and tightening in response to their kissing. She lay back and he was atop her, the heat of his mouth tracing kisses along her jawline.  
  
"Luke," she managed to say weakly.  
  
"What?" he answered.  
  
"Do you think this is a good idea?"  
  
Those words froze him. He sat up immediately at a distance from her. Lorelai sat up as well. They sat together on the couch, neither one of them knowing what to say.  
  
"I'm.....I'm sorry," she stammered.  
  
"Don't be," he answered quickly,"Because I'm not."  
  
"Not about that."  
  
"Come again?"  
  
"Luke, I'm not sorry about what just happened between us," she whispered,"I'm just sorry about the timing. I mean the news about Christopher.....Rory taking off. Everything's just so out of control."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"That's all you're going to say?" she questioned angrily.  
  
"I just feel kinda rotten."  
  
"For what? Kissing me?"  
  
"No," he interjected,"and yes. I just don't want you to think I'm-"  
  
"You're what?"  
  
"Taking advantage of you!" he yelled. "Jesus, Lorelai, do you know how hard this is for me? All I've thought of for months now is you and tonight I have you in my arms and all I can feel is guilt. Rory's missing and we should be out looking for her but I just had you in my arms. That's all I can think of right now."  
  
He'd been thinking about her. That was all Lorelai's mind could process. Sookie had told her, Emily had told her, and secretly maybe she'd known all along that he thought of her as more than just a friend. She'd tried to convince herself that everyone was wrong and that her own instincts about Luke were wrong as well. It was the only way she could get away with denying her own attraction to him.  
  
"You've thought of me?" she said,"you really have?"  
  
He was about to bite back with a stinging comment until he turned to look at her. Lorelai had such a hopeful expression on her face. Luke couldn't remember ever seeing such softness in her eyes.   
  
"Yes," he replied.  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"For a long time now," he admitted,"but the timing was never right."  
  
"I know what you mean," Lorelai replied, taking his hand. He looked down immediately as she clasped his hand with her own. That one simple motion said volumes.  
  
"I guess I'm just a coward," he laughed. She didn't let go of his hand.  
  
"Ditto that," she said.  
  
He stood up, still holding her hand. "Let's get out of here."  
  
"Afraid of being alone with me?" she joked, as she stood up She was secretly fearing his answer.  
  
Luke took a step towards her and stood very still. His face was dangerously close to her own, but he made no move to kiss her. "Not at all," he answered,"but-"  
  
"-but what?" she slurred hoarsely.  
  
Those blue eyes dared him to answer. She was there, just as he'd always wanted her to be. The temptation to kiss her was great, but Luke knew the timing of it was way off.   
  
"After we find Rory, you and I are going to have a nice long talk."  
  
"Just talk?" she teased.  
  
He closed the gap between them and kissed her passionately. Letting go of her hand, he took her by the waist and gave himself in completely to kissing her. Softly, he opened her mouth with his, provoking a small sigh of pleasure. When their kiss broke, she looked up at him in astonishment. There wasn't one clever quirk she could think of in response.  
  
"Oh, it won't be all talk," he promised. "Now let's go try to find your kid."  
  
He took her hand again and they walked outside to his truck.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Patiently, Rory waited for her mother to get back. She was still mentally debating whether or not to confess to Lorelai what had happened with Dean. It wasn't going to be an easy situation, that much she knew, especially given her mother's history. Rory felt extremely conflicted as to how much she should confess. To try to pass the time, she turned on the radio in her bedroom. As she was about to turn the dial, a very familiar song came on.  
  
I want to hold the hand inside you  
  
I want to take a breath that's true  
  
I look to you and I see nothing  
  
I look to you to see the truth  
  
You live your life   
  
You go in shadows  
  
You'll come apart and you'll go black   
  
Some kind of night into your darkness   
  
Colors your eyes with what's not there.   
  
Her first formal dance at Chilton. Dean holding her tightly on the dance floor. That wonderous sensation of belonging. Of being in the right place with the right person.  
  
Her eyes were colored, that much was true, but they were fragmented with what was there in her life. Christopher's indecision with his own life was provoking her to make decisions within her own. Decisions that she had put off for far too long. There was no reason to waste any more time with self-doubts and guilt. Ever since her last conversation in Stars Hollow with Dean, she'd known how wrong her choices had been. Throughout her backpack trip in Europe, he'd been in her thoughts. Now that she was granted another chance, she didn't care about fear or consequences. She didn't care how hard it was.  
  
Dean was back in her life. Rory smiled as she lay back onto her bed. As she closed her eyes, she heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. She looked out her window and saw Luke and Lorelai walking towards the porch. They were.....holding hands?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They walked up to her front door. "I feel like we just had our first date," she laughed.  
  
"It feels the same way for me," he agreed, standing by the door in front of her. "But I am sorry we didn't find Rory"  
  
"It's Ok," she replied,"her bedroom light is on, so she's home. Time for a talk. I get to play the mother role."  
  
"Yay you."  
  
"Yay me."  
  
"Lorelai, I-"  
  
"You what?"  
  
"You are the damndest woman to talk to, I hope you realize that."  
  
"It's all part of my mythical charm, or so I'm told."  
  
"But you know what you really need?"  
  
"No, what?"  
  
"Quiet time," he murmured, planting a light kiss on her lips,"because even though you're beautiful when you speak, you are indescribably gorgeous when you don't."  
  
"Quite the talker."  
  
"Quite the charmer."  
  
"I want to see you tomorrow," he said earnestly.  
  
"You mean at the diner," she teased.  
  
"I think you know damn well I don't mean at the diner. I want to see you alone."  
  
"Well, we've only just had our first date. I should play hard to get.......not take your calls......primp."  
  
"I'll cook."  
  
"What time's good for you?"  
  
He smiled and kissed her cheek. "Be there at nine, okay? I might even bake you a pie."  
  
"That's a deal, mister," she said as she unlocked the door. "And Luke?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
She was afraid to admit how very much she'd missed him. And how happy she was that they were finally on the right track.  
  
"Me, too," he admitted,"More than you know."   
  
A stranger's light comes on slowly  
  
A stranger's heart without a home  
  
You put your hands into your head  
  
And then smiles cover your heart  
  
Lorelai nodded and walked into the house. From her living room window, she watched him drive away.  
  
  
  
Her back to the door, Lorelai sighed and walked into the house. How had such a horrible night taken such a wonderful turn? It was mind boggling. She had to tell Rory.  
  
Wait. She had to be angry first and then tell Rory. Or should she skip the anger and work on the guilt?  
  
Lorelai walked over to Rory's door and knocked. "Rory, honey, are you awake? Can I come in?"  
  
~~~~~ 


	7. 7 This Year's Love

Bravery & First Steps  
  
Chapter Seven: This Year's Love  
  
Thank you so much to everyone who's read my story and posted reviews. I haven't abandoned the story and I plan on keeping it going with several new chapters that I'll be posting here one at a time. Sorry it took me so long to update, but work sucks.  
  
TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
AUTHOR: medeagddssaol.com  
  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
SPOILER: None yet.  
  
RATING: PG13  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SUMMARY: Right after Rory & Lorelai's return from Europe, Luke decides he needs to talk to Lorelai about taking their relationship further. Christopher and Sherry have broken up and he also shows up in Stars Hollow wanting to attempt a reconciliation with Lorelai. Rory, crushed after Jess abandons Stars Hollow becomes close to Dean once again. Dean starts to realize his wedding is a mistake. Stars Hollow erupts.  
  
Lyrics: "This Year's Love" by David Gray  
  
"This Year's Love  
  
This Year's Love:  
  
This years love had better last  
Heaven knows it's high time  
And I've been waiting on my own too long  
But when you hold me like you do  
It feels so right  
I start to forget  
How my heart gets torn  
When that hurt gets thrown  
Feeling like you can't go on..."

In love with Dean. No, scratch that – still in love with Dean. God, she was such a love moron.  
  
It was a weird emotion. You could learn a lot of things from books, but love had so many unwritten, hidden chapters that she thought she'd never comprehend. Could it really be this simple?  
  
Rory had pretended she was asleep that night. Several weeks had passed already, she had already moved into her dorm at Yale and still she and her mother hadn't properly discussed what happened that night. There was no need to because true to his word, the day after they'd spend the night together Dean broke up with Lindsay. It had not been pretty. The Stars Hollow rumor mill had worked overtime with Kirk and Taylor functioning as the town's 'Rory and Dean: True Stars Hollow Story'. There had been public screaming matches, Mrs. Kim had come over to their house to properly welcome her as the town's fallen woman, but all of that she could handle. What had devastated Rory was the silent acceptance she'd gotten from Lorelai. Emily and Richard had practically turned in the Homeland Security Department with their systematic interrogations of Dean.  
  
Through it all, Lorelai, had been on her side but strangely, never talked about the situation itself. Rory could sense the enormous disappointment her mother felt. The public knowledge that Stars Hollow's idealized Rory Gilmore had taken her man back by breaking up his engagement was embarrassing and humiliating for them both, but not a word was said. All conversations had turned topical and well, fluff.  
  
Suddenly, her phone rang. Paris, her telephone ringer antenna already fine-tuned, would start to yell if the phone wasn't answered within her 'three courtesy rings' rule. Living with Paris was always an adventure into the surreal.  
  
"Hey you."  
  
"Dean," she replied, a smile coming to her lips.  
  
"I missed you last night," he laughed, "What night this week do you want to do midnight pizza?"  
  
Rory had been so overwhelmed with work that she barely had a night free to go out on a real date. Dean, who was trying to save up money to move out of Stars Hollow and consequently out of the line of constant fire, made as many escapes towards Yale as he could. Sundays were becoming a very homey new tradition – Dean and Janet would watch whatever football game was on, while she and Paris dissected page upon page of college texts. However busy or harassed they were during the week, one night they met up for a very late dinner and the majority of times, this turned out to be pizza. Hence, Midnight Pizza night.  
  
"Wednesday?"  
  
"Works for me. Regular time?"  
  
"Only insomniacs need apply."  
  
"That gets funnier every time."  
  
"How's it going working at Gypsy's?"  
  
"It's different, I'll tell you that. Taylor stops by at least once a day now."  
  
"Like a jealous suitor?"  
  
"More like a pissed off father," he laughed. "He still thinks I've brought down the moral values of this town."  
  
"I'm sorry you have to put up with all of this alone-"  
  
"Don't Rory. I told you, it's only for a little while longer. Besides, it's all worth it."  
  
"You have got to stop being cute and romantic and………..well, everything before I've had coffee. At least with some caffeine in my system I can have a witty comeback line."  
  
"Hey, you kill me with your nocturnal, witty comeback lines. Give the morning at least."  
  
"Deal. But only if you pay for dessert."  
  
"A whole dollar's worth of zeppole's? I may never recover."  
  
Women in love – did they ever stop smiling? Rory was dying to find out.  
  
"I think you'll get by."  
  
"Okay, I think you're fully awake now. I'm going to have to start charging you for these wake up calls."  
  
"Oh, honey," she whined, "you know you love to wake your fallen princess from her slumber."  
  
"We moral degenerates have got to watch out for each other. Anyway, come on. Time to get up. Civ class awaits."  
  
"Don't remind me."  
  
"Rory?"  
  
"Yes, Dean."  
  
"Nice trick with the CDs. You switched my White Stripes with that David Gray one again."  
  
"It's a joke that never grows old."  
  
"We already used that line today."  
  
"Ugh," she grunted, tossing her body out from underneath the covers. "That's a definite sign I need to grow up."  
  
"You mean wake up."  
  
"Well, that too."  
  
"Catch you later Sadie, Sadie…."  
  
"Yeah, yeah…..tainted lady. I'll talk to you later."  
  
"And see you tomorrow night."


	8. 8 Ne Me Quitte Pas Don't Leave Me

Bravery & First Steps  
  
Chapter Eight: Ne Me Quitte Pas (Don't Leave Me)  
  
Thank you so much to everyone who's read my story and posted reviews. The only reason I had not posted new chapters in such a long time was that I was tied up with work-related nonsense - it left me very uninspired. I haven't abandoned the story and I plan on keeping it going with several new chapters that I'll be posting here one at a time.  
  
TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
Chapter 8: Ne Me Quitte Pas (Don't Leave Me)  
  
AUTHOR: medeagddssaol.com  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
  
SPOILER: None yet.  
RATING: PG13  
  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SUMMARY: Right after Rory & Lorelai's return from Europe, Luke decides he needs to talk to Lorelai about taking their relationship further. Christopher and Sherry have broken up and he also shows up in Stars Hollow wanting to attempt a reconciliation with Lorelai. Rory, crushed after Jess abandons Stars Hollow becomes close to Dean once again. Dean starts to realize his wedding is a mistake. Stars Hollow erupts.  
  
Lyrics: "Ne Me Quitte Pas (Don't Leave Me)" by Nina Simone  
  
Night was the hardest time of the day to be alone. Even though she came home exhausted from the extended workhours spend at the Dragonfly, it was still difficult for her to sit down and relax. Lorelai sat on the couch, reached for the remote control and nearly knocked over her glass of wine in the process. She'd been knocking things down and breaking things for weeks now, ever since the situation with Rory.  
  
She just had to think about that fiasco and the glass of wine connected with her coffeetable making a huge puddle that threatened to soak her new Lucky magazine. What the hell was Rory thinking? Dean was a week away from getting married and Rory just decided that she was madly in love with him again? It made absolutely no sense to her, but they hadn't talked about it. In fact, they'd been distant and reserved towards each other a thought which utterly despressed Lorelai. It was like creating a prelude to a new Emilyesque mother-daughter relationship.  
  
Making her way over to the kitchen where hopefully she still had paper towels, she stubbed her toe on the ottoman and proceeded to do the limp dance.  
  
"Dammit, dammit. I can't even be a funny klutz. I'm just a bad one."  
  
Just then there was a knock on the door. Please don't let it be Sookie. Lately her friend had been coming over at the oddest times with Davey in his carriage. It seems he had a wanderlust issue - he would cry only at home, but when he was out and about in Stars Hollow, he was an angel of quietness. Ordinarily she didn't mind, but on her way home that evening she had run into both Taylor and Mrs. Kim who innundated her with parental advice, warnings and condescending sympathy. It was horrible.  
  
"Lorelai, I know you're in there," Luke said, "I can see your shadow hopping around like a rabbit for some reason I'd rather not know."  
  
Slowly, she limped over and opened the door for him. The minute he was inside she laced her hands behind his neck and hugged him softly.  
  
"Was it something I said," he whispered into her ear, "because I need to do that more often if it was."  
  
"No," she sighed, "but you're the good end to a bad day. A very bad day. No, a horribly, despicably bad day."  
  
"Taylor got to you?"  
  
"And Mrs. Kim."  
  
"Tagteam?"  
  
"Big time."  
  
"Damn. That sounds painful. Are you OK?" He started to remove his coat and place it on his customary hook.  
  
"Nothing that a few glasses of wine won't temporarily cure," she said as she plopped down into the couch, looking right at the mess she'd made only a few minutes before.  
  
"That is of course," she continued, "unless the coffeetable drinks me under.....well, itself."  
  
Luke shook his head and smiled. "Stay there. I'll get it."  
  
He came back with a roll of paper (probably her last one) and cleaned up the mess. Lorelai was amazed at how much support she'd gotten from Luke throughout the attack of Stars Hollow. Just the other day, she heard that he threatened to stick Kirk's head in one of Al's deep fryers if he made one more "Runaway Little Girl" song parody. The only thing they had disagreed on was the status of their relationship, which was for the time being undecided.  
  
"Luke?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are you mad at me for the whole 'put the relationship on hold' situation I've got you in?"  
  
"Well, it's not helping me sleep well at night, if that's what you mean," he laughed from the kitchen, tossing out the soiled towels.  
  
Luke walked back into the living room and sat by her on the couch. "It's like I told you already, I understand what you're going through and I'm not going anywhere. The only thing I am worried about is the fact you and Rory are conducting this maternal Cold War. You've got to make a move."  
  
"I know, I know, but honestly this whole situation leaves me stupified. What do I say to her? Nice man-stealing skills, kiddo, chip off the old block?"  
  
"You steal men?"  
  
"How does it feel being the butt of jokes at every Stars Hollow location? What's the safest bet to place - two months or four? I'd like to double my money."  
  
"Alright, you have got to stop watching bad television on NBC. Now you're talking Sting-like."  
  
"Lead singer of the Police who now sings bad music and swings?"  
  
"1960's movie starring Paul Newman."  
  
"I knew that."  
  
"I know."  
  
They were quiet for a moment. Lorelai leaned over and put her head on Luke's shoulder as he hugged her to him. It was nice to be with someone who let you go off on a tangent but never let you forget what needed to get done.  
  
"I'm scared Luke because I honestly don't think I can support her. I think Rory's just scared."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Of getting hurt again," she confessed. "so she's going back to the guy that made her feel safe. That's not a relationship; that the reverse of one. She's going to destroy Dean and then she'll feel horrible about what she's done."  
  
"You won't know that until you talk to her," he said, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead, "which you know already."  
  
"Yeah, I know. Knowing doesn't exactly bring the words to mind though."  
  
"The only thing that will is actually going to see Rory, Lorelai. Stop putting it off."  
  
Sighing, she hugged him tightly and said only,"Okay."

===============

After Luke left, she tried calling Rory on her cellphone, but only got her voicemail. Taking a deep breath and summoning all of her willpower, she stopped putting it off.  
  
"Honey, it's me.......I wanted to talk to you but you're not there........you haven't been there and I haven't been here and I'm so tired of it being weird between us.......can we get together and talk...........Call me soon, baby, Ok?"

Dean was sleeping next to her, when Rory felt her phone going off on her nighttable. Picking it up and dialing her voicemail, she listened to her mother's message a dozen times. The sounds of her sniffling woke Dean up.  
  
"Rory, is something wrong?"  
  
"No, nothing like that," she stuttered,"It was....that was.....Mom."  
  
He smiled and put his hand on her shoulder. "That a good thing, Rory. You two need to talk."  
  
"But-"  
  
Dean placed a finger on her lips,"No more excuses. I can't stand to see how hurt you are. I'm not going to tell you what you should do, sweetheart. I just don't want to see either one of you in pain like this."  
  
"You're right," she sighed. "I'll call her first thing in the morning."  
  
"You sure you'll be able to sleep?"  
  
She thought about that for a moment, jumped out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. Looking over towards him as she slowly closed the door, she mouthed the words," Love...you....thank you."  
  
He smiled, turned around, lay his head on the pillow and attempted to get back to sleep.  
  
=================  
  
Ne me quitte pas   
Il faut oublier   
Tout peut s'oublier   
Qui s'enfuit d?j?   
Oublier le temps   
Des malentendus   
Et le temps perdu   
A savoir comment   
Oublier ces heures   
Qui tuaient parfois   
A coups de pourquoi   
Le coeur du bonheur   
  
Don't leave me   
We must forget  
All we can forget all we did till now  
Let's forget the cost of the breath  
We've spent saying words unmeant   
And the times we've lost hours that must destroy   
Never knowing why everything must die at the heart of joy   
Don't leave me don't leave me   
Don't leave me don't leave me


	9. 9 Hat Full of Stars

Thank you so much to everyone who's read my story and posted reviews. The only reason I had not posted new chapters in such a long time was that I was tied up with work-related nonsense - it left me very uninspired. I haven't abandoned the story and I plan on keeping it going with several new chapters that I'll be posting here one at a time.  
  
TITLE: Bravery & First Steps  
  
Chapter 9:   
  
AUTHOR: medeagddssaol.com  
DISTRIBUTION: Please ask permission first.  
SPOILER: None yet.  
RATING: PG13  
PAIRING: Luke/Lorelai, Rory/Dean  
  
SUMMARY: Right after Rory & Lorelai's return from Europe, Luke decides he needs to talk to Lorelai about taking their relationship further. Christopher and Sherry have broken up and he also shows up in Stars Hollow wanting to attempt a reconciliation with Lorelai. Rory, crushed after Jess abandons Stars Hollow becomes close to Dean once again. Dean starts to realize his wedding is a mistake. Stars Hollow erupts. Lindsay and Christopher go on the warpath.  
  
Lyrics: "Hat full of Stars" by Cyndi Lauper  
  
Sleep. How he wished he could get some.For the past three weeks, Christopher had been living at the Byatt Bed & Breakfast, just outside of Stars Hollow. Commuting to his job in Milton was a nightmare, but the true torture was the silent treatment he'd been getting from Lorelai. He'd taken Rory's side in their last argument over the situation that he'd christened NotDean 2004. The argument at lunch today had not been pretty....  
  
"Where the hell do you get off telling me that I'm making a tempest in a teapot. God, Christopher, I could almost forgive the condescending but that bad pun deserves a smack upside the head. Do you not get it? The whole damn town talks about nothing except Rory and Dean."  
  
"Lore, dammit, will you just listen to me. When I had dinner with them the other day-"  
  
"You had dinner with them?"  
  
"I'm trying to tell-"  
  
"When?"  
  
"When what?"  
  
"Are we playing stupid madlibs? When did you have dinner with Rory and Dean?"  
  
"Saturday. The three of us were invited to a special sit down with Emily and Richard."  
  
"Ok, we have entered bizarroworld. Are you trying to tell me that not only have you met with our daughter and that guy-"  
  
"His name is Dean."  
  
"Don't say his name. He shall not be named. HSNBN is what I'll call him from now on."  
  
"Well then, Rory, her gentleman acronym and I went to dinner with your parents. It wasn't the most pleasant experience, but I think they're making progress."  
  
"Why the hell wouldn't she ask me? Why did she go to you?"  
  
"She said you'd made your intentions clear with respect to Dean and she wanted someone along with her who could attempt to be impartial."  
  
"So you were Kissinger? How ironically appropriate."  
  
"Do you want to know what happened or not?"  
  
She'd shaken her head and sighed. "Just tell me."  
  
"Emily and Richard wanted to know what their intentions were, if they were getting married, etc.. Rory said she intended to finish college, perhaps go to graduate school. Dean signed up at Connecticut State and he's saving up to move nearer to Rory. That was the good?"  
  
"There was a bad?"  
  
"A very bad. When Emily asked Rory if they'd considered a future together, our daugther said she had. She also made your mother age twenty years when she added that in any future she had, marriage did not enter the equation."  
  
"She doesn't want to marry Dean?"  
  
"Lore, she doesn't want to marry anyone."  
  
They played with their food after that, neither one speaking. As he was leaving, he saw Lorelai sitting at the table alone with the most forlorn look on her face he'd ever seen. The memory of that had kept him up, and he'd gotten out of bed unable to sleep further. He was at the small cafe across the road from the Byatt, the Hare & Tortoise.  
  
=================  
  
"Lins, come on, it's late. Don't you think you should get home?"  
  
"Jenny, I've left him a dozen messages and he hasn't called me back once. What the hell is his problem? Is he too good to call his ex-fiancee back?"  
  
These midnight sessions at the Hare & Tortoise were getting on Jenny's nerves. Ever since Dean had broken up with Lindsay, her friend was acting like a raving lunatic. She simply could not accept the fact that Dean was with someone else.  
  
"Notice how she never shows her face in town. Good. I'd so kick her ass."  
  
"Oh, that's charming, Lindsay. That'll show Dean how mature you are."  
  
"Whose side are you on, Jenn?'  
  
"Your's Lindsay, but come on. Waiting outside his house for five hours today and getting pissed off when he doesn't show up for your scream session is a little much."  
  
"Am I supposed to just take this sitting down? Dean was my fiance. Mine. And she stole him from me."  
  
"Would you rather have gotten married and have him cheat on you."  
  
"I would rather she'd moved the hell on and left my guy alone. He doesn't love her. It's just an affair because he was afraid. He has cold feet, that's all."  
  
"I hate to see you torturing yourself like this, Lins. You don't eat. You don't sleep. All you do is plan these elaborate traps to corner Dean and yell at him."  
  
"I'm going to catch them together, Jenn, you wait and see, she said twirling her coffee cup, "and I cannot wait to give that little bitch Rory Gilmore a piece of my mind. God! That damn slut! How dare she steal my guy. Couldn't she get her own?"  
  
Nightmares never came in single phases nor were they confined to sleeping hours. Chris found that he was trapped with insomnia, in a dank, rundown cafe and with Dean's ex.  
  
"You can't steal what isn't yours. Isn't that what they say."  
  
Lindsay locked eyes with Christopher, "Who the hell are you? This is a private conversation-"  
  
"-that you are proceeding to scream across an empty room."  
  
"Look, whoever you are, this is none of your business."  
  
"You're wrong. That's my kid you're talking about."  
  
Lindsay couldn't help chuckling. "So you're the deadbeat dad? A little late to be defending the honor of your little princess, dontcha think?"  
  
"What _could _Dean be thinking? You're positively _dripping_ with **tact**."  
  
"What. Ever. Give your little angel a message. Tell her she hasn't seen the last of me. She can hide out in Yale all she wants, but she'll be in town sometime. And I'll be waiting."  
  
"Stay away from them, Lindsay," he warned.  
  
Lindsay rolled her eyes as she got up to leave. "Come on, Jenn. It's starting to smell like loser in here."  
  
Christopher shook his head as her friend mouthed a silent 'I'm sorry' behind Lindsay's back. This was just perfect. Pete, the guy behind the counter snickered. Without a doubt, this would make the gossip rounds of Stars Hollow before the papers hit the stands.  
  
"Forget the coffee, Pete," he said, "I'd rather have a Chivas after this crap."  
  
"Bar on 95's still open. Last call's at 1:00. Still got time."  
  
"Yeah, that's depends on your point of view."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Never mind. See you tomorrow night. 'Night, Pete."  
  
====================================  
  
I'm trying to live in the present   
But I keep tripping on the past   
Finding out reality, well clarity   
Comes in dribs and drabs   
No we never had the time   
For everything we had   
So it felt like we had nothing   
That's what makes this hat so sad   
It was a long, long time ago 


End file.
